Damn. If Only We Had A Holocaust Cloak.

When this is all over I'm going to write a beginner's guide to selling a house (as in: written by a beginner who understands exactly nothing. There will be lots of foul language).  I know this must be just one phase of however-many are involved in this process, but right there it seems like there are nothing but questions, and it's eroding my brain tissue as we speak. 

When is my exact move date? 
What if I don't get any offers on the house at all?
How do I balance fixing up two houses when both have time-sensitive issues? 
How do people stay sane throughout all of this? 
In what order do I paint the rooms in the new house?
How do I ask my neighbor politely to put her scary dog away so my contractor can repair the back fence?
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MATH? 
Should I be keeping count of all of the things I'm signing for, like, posterity, or something?
How much do auto-signers cost, anyway?
How often is too often re: going to the hardware store for "one more thing"?
What's the best way to store all of my receipts so I can track all this stuff later? 
How the fuck do you even organize a side-by-side refrigerator?
Once we get into the castle, how do I find Count Rugen so I may kill him?
Once I kill him, how do I find you again?
Once I find you again, how do we get out?? 

 

 Going to go soothe my soul by looking at pretty paint colors and the Ikea catalog now, bye.